I'M ALREADY!

Marianne has an interesting way of yelling using e-text. Her usual angry screech is cacophonic enough but it's quite amazing how you can almost actually hear her when you read the text message. It's quite simple really. She merely chooses the phrase that is intended to be yelled and writes it all in capital letters followed by an exclamation mark. In contrast to the rest of her text, or other text messages in general, it has the interesting effect of making the reader feel quite yelled at. SEE WHAT I MEAN! Cool, huh? Moreover, she often uses repeated phrases that she angrily yells while actually in her presence so there tends to be another semi-conscious mental association mechanism that recalls the yelling and adds to the effect. She must have a mental database of angry mother/wife phrases from which she selects for the appropriate verbal assault of the moment. But they're not ALL bad. Early in our relationship, Marianne was fickle with her affections: very romantic and passionate, but on-again-off-again for the first little while. I was amused and delighted by her, but a bit confused as to her vascillating prerogatives. At the very least, she definitely had my attention, sly devil that she is, and the explanation for her behaviour came in the form of an admission of insecurity, fear of being hurt, and strong feelings towards me. Hilariously, this revelation was afforded me after a few drinks, at a night-club, on the stage, during an unexpected lull in the music, at the top of her lungs. After confusedly blathering on about relationships, and what real love means, and awful, awful men, and that I just didn't 'get it' because I am a man, I defended myself and said, "Yeah. I get it," to which she responded, "No you don't. (lull in music) I'M ALREADY IN LOVE WITH YOU!" It was priceless and I laughed my ass off, . . . after a display of the requisite chivalry to show her that I was beginning to feel the same way. Some months later the idea of marriage and possibly a baby together came up in conversation. And then it came up again. And then it came up again. The pipe dream was beautiful but we agreed that the idea of a seven kid household was insane and that we could wait until some had moved on or just not have one. Either way, neither of us was in any rush. Later that week, while I was at work (coincidentally, at a night-club just downstairs from the one mentioned above) I recieved a text message that read, "OMG! I'M ALREADY PREGNANT!" And even over the ear-shattering decibal level of the music, I swear I could hear her yelling. I'm not sure however, if it was with glee, terror, or anger. I suspect all three.

See you in hell,
Shakes.